Nell Goddard

musings of a clergy child

21 Dec

Advent by Numbers

Okay, I lied. I don't have the time, energy or resources to give you the whole of Advent-by-numbers, so here's a sample of an Advent Week in a vicarage...

PEOPLE Guests (different people): 30 Recurring guests (including multiple visits): 44 Parties hosted in home: 2 Parties attended: 3 Carol services attended: 1 Overnight guests: 4 Unexpected overnight guests (: 1 Names forgotten: 3 Level of proficiency at small talk reached: 7.5 Introvert meltdowns occurred: 3.85

FOOD (majority approximate) Gingerbread houses made: 1 Mini-quiche made: 50 Cups of tea made (personally): 39 Cups of tea made (collectively): 100+ Cups of tea consumed (personally): 21 Cups of tea consumed (collectively): 100+ kg of chocolate consumed: >3 Bottles of mulled wine consumed (parishionally): 21 Litres of mulled apple juice consumed (parishionally): 8 Mince pies consumed (personally): 0 Mince pies consumed (collectively): 40 Mince pies consumed (parishionally): 150+ Hours spent baking: 9.5

MISCELLANEOUS Christmas cards opened: 62 Christmas letters folded: 150 Christmas Carols played on trumpet: 5 Christingles made (collectively): 30 Different ways Christmas cards addressed to parents: 8 Cards including the dog: 4 Emergency cuddles with dog: 12 Christmas cards posted: 150 Christmas presents accidentally opened early: 2 Phone calls from parishioners who have flooded their kitchen: 1

A few points to note:

  • 'Collectively' means in the vicarage, 'parishionally' (Yes, that's a word) means in the church AND vicarage. If it has neither of these, it is a personal achievement.
  • Levels of proficiency at small talk are as follows: 1. hermit 2. toddler 3. foreigner 4. teenage boy 5. teenage girl 6. average office worker 7. grandparent 8. shop assistant 9. vicar 10. hairdresser
  • The number of people who have been in my house since I got back is not inclusive of the 4/5 people who already live here.

Nell Goddard

Hi, I’m Alianore. I used to be known as 'Nell Goddard', but then I got married and changed my name. I’m an author, blogger, and speaker. A theologian, on a good day. A Christian, a storyteller, and a friend. I tweet as @alianoree and you can find more of my writings in my first book, 'Musings of a Clergy Child'.