Nell Goddard

musings of a clergy child

21 Jan


It is dark. A heavy dark. A dark that presses in on you and makes it hard to breathe. A dark that surrounds and engulfs and makes you forget that anything good ever existed. A dark that terrifies, and blinds. A seemingly unending darkness that changes words and thoughts and actions. That recreates battles you thought had been won long ago. That brings back memories you thought you had forgotten. That reminds you of hurts you believed you had forgiven.

It is silent, too. Silence is golden, or so the saying goes. Silence is golden, but the air shimmers like the summer heat with unspoken words, undisclosed secrets, and unfriendly memories. The silence says it all. Silence really does speak louder than words. The silence yells abuse, whispers compliments, and ties everything up in knots until there is nothing left to say any more. Silence can bring the world to its feet, or send it crashing down around you. But the silence is deafening, it always has been. A million voices longing for you to believe a million lies all speak through the silence, dictating your next words and making you forget all that will follow. Silence reveals the deepest insecurities of your heart in a way that words never could. And silence, you knew silence would be your downfall. Silence is beginning to defeat you, but you will not go down without a fight.

'His Gr...' You clear your throat. These words are important, but as you speak, the darkness grows heavier and the silence grows louder, overwhelming your thoughts and intercepting your words. You are fighting back the darkness, and you have only these few short words.

'His Grace is sufficient.' A break in the silence. 'And His power...' It is too much, the darkness is getting heavier, overwhelming and overtaking you.  But you have to speak. The only way to get rid of the darkness is to bring in the light. You try again.

'His Grace is sufficient. And His power is made perfect in weakness.' As the words are released into the silence, something breaks through the darkness. A light. Dim, at first, but growing brighter with every word. You look around you, but the light is not there. And yet the darkness is retreating. You glance down. The light, it is coming from inside of you. It is radiating its bright yellow-white rays from your heart. And as you speak words of truth, it glows brighter still.

'There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.' The light burns brighter. 'In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.' The darkness is retreating. 'He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion.' The heaviness is dissipating. 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.' The air clears. 'He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world.' The light bursts forth from within you, and suddenly, there is no longer any darkness. You are bathed in glorious light. Radiating from within, it is shining its truth over you, eclipsing the darkness which had threatened to overwhelm. You are free from the heaviness, the oppression, the battles, the lies, the hurts. The light has overcome that which you could not.

'The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it' - John 1:5

Nell Goddard

Hi, I’m Alianore. I used to be known as 'Nell Goddard', but then I got married and changed my name. I’m an author, blogger, and speaker. A theologian, on a good day. A Christian, a storyteller, and a friend. I tweet as @alianoree and you can find more of my writings in my first book, 'Musings of a Clergy Child'.