Nell Goddard

musings of a clergy child

29 Jan

Not mine, but Yours

My anxieties My chains My questions My anger My confusion My sin My burdens Not mine, but Yours.

My desires My heart My longing My plans My achievements My stuff My life Not mine, but Yours.

Their pain Their hurt Their confusion Their darkness Their questions Their anger Their fear Not Yours... but mine.

I think I can do it better, you see You can have my darkness But when it comes to theirs, I'll take it. Carry that burden and Stumble, again. Give into worry, again. Try to control, again. Claim, once again, to know better Than You.

You see, I don't understand their pain But if I make it mine To worry about I might understand, I suppose.

Or I'll crumble Once again Under the weight Of someone else's darkness. I'll fail Once again As they realise That I am not their saviour. That Really I can't help them. Not in the way they need. I don't really get it, I don't really understand. I'll try So very hard, But I'll destroy us both in the process.

'There is one who understands', I'll say As I stumble under the weight of their burdens 'Leave it at the foot of the cross', I advise As I walk proudly in the opposite direction, Declaring with my very being that I'm stronger than that. That with their wounds Their darkness I don't need the cross and I don't need a saviour. I can solve it.

Except. Except I can't.

I'm no better at helping them Than I was at helping myself. Floundering in the darkness Under the weight of someone else's burdens.

I don't know what to say Or do Or how to save them.

But there is One who does.

And so, I turn And look To the cross.

Man of sorrows Acquainted with grief.

I turn And take their hand And walk humbly To the foot of the cross.

And it is there That I leave them Knowing that You Are mighty to save.

Their pain Their hurt Their confusion Their darkness Their questions Their anger Their fear Not mine, but Yours.

Nell Goddard

Hi, I’m Alianore. I used to be known as 'Nell Goddard', but then I got married and changed my name. I’m an author, blogger, and speaker. A theologian, on a good day. A Christian, a storyteller, and a friend. I tweet as @alianoree and you can find more of my writings in my first book, 'Musings of a Clergy Child'.